Don’t we love the smell of summer. The air is warm, the fields are fair, the women are pretty, beers are cold, and the MAMA is here.
Yes, the MAMA, African music’s biggest night of snobs and the continents best scammers are going to come up again, wear nice colognes, exchange fake pleasantries, flood social media with all their celebratory glory, and stream all that awesomeness into the homes of every African.
Or at least those who live above the $100 mark.
A number of awards are up for grabs again. These Holy Grails have been shined, hyped and groomed for the night, and as they roll of the conveyor belts, a number of lips will be smacked, with Davido sure to smoke a fat expensive cigar in anticipation of another silverware, in recognition of his amazing sibilant vocal delivery..and Shizzi’s autotune.
But in those moments when the earth will stop its motion, and the moon will rest over Durban, South Africa, here are the top 5 things that should happen.
Anything other than these, and the night will not go down in history. Cappish?
Kanye West makes a shocking appearance, interrupts Seyi Shay’s ‘Best Female’ acceptance speech, and says Yemi Alade is the greatest of all time. Even right before his baby momma goddess, Kim Kardashian.
Wizkid is caught in a Xenophobic standoff, but he explains his way out by singing ‘Ojuelegba’ while sharing a special brand of weed he received in Kenya. The special kind that got him arrested
Burna Boy and Peter Okoye, unleash a brand new collaboration single titled ‘Falling onstage’. The single comes with a dance step that shows them jump high, and land on their ripped abs. Here’s an excusive premiere of the chorus. It’s a sample of Michael Jackon’s ‘We are the world’ classic. “We have the fall, we are the singers, we have the fall to make a brighter stage and get you laughing. There are people frowning, and it’s time to make them laugh like fools, our greatest gift of fall.” Such display of creativity and rhythmic falling has never before been seen on stage.
AKA comes in with an AK-47 and executes every MAMA executive. Before detonating a suicide bomb. His doppelganger and womanising buddy, Burna Boy, claims responsibility afterwards, and says he had this in mind when he threatened to kill every blogger on twitter. AKA jacked his dream. The bastard.
Finally a major category won’t be won by Nigeria. Some young upstart with no hit, and no clout or cred will pick up the award and give the lengthiest, most annoying talk about following your dreams and keep on believing. Then twitter explodes.
Wollup Wollup MAMA 2015. Gerrarahere !!!
